Cheating husband who abused wife accused of 'gaslighting' judge

A cheating husband was recorded putting his hands around his wife's neck as she screamed in fear. Despite the audio recording Thomas McCarthy denied assaulting his wife — but in a damning ruling the judge said: "I find the defendant is trying to gaslight me."

McCarthy, a 40-year-old cybersecurity account manager with no previous convictions, gave evidence on Tuesday as he stood trial for assault by beating. Cardiff Magistrates' Court heard his wife's recording from June 27 last year when he forcibly removed her from their Bridgend home, hours after she had told him she had filed for divorce.

In the audio he questioned why their three children would "want to be with a psychotic woman", telling her: "It's not even going in your head... I'm done with you. You do nothing to provide for us. Please leave." She then said "you cannot push me out" but he ordered "get out now" and started a countdown. She could be heard screaming and then telling her husband: "You've just tried to strangle me... You said you wanted me gone."

READ NEXT: The moment boys stamp viciously on prison guard's head in mass brawl

DON'T MISS: 'I thought Wales rugby star was my friend, now I am owed thousands and he is ignoring a court order'

After the victim gave evidence to the trial on a previous date, Tuesday saw McCarthy give his version of events. He claimed he was a "battered husband" who had been hit by his wife several times since they married in 2009, though District Judge Steve Harmes said the evidence that she had caused him injuries was "slight". McCarthy admitted having an affair in 2016 and more recently visiting an ex-girlfriend in Exeter without telling his wife. He claimed her suspicions that he was unfaithful had triggered her to be violent on occasions.

McCarthy, now of Blandford Road in Reading, told the court he was at work on June 27 last year when his wife said to him over the phone that she had filed for divorce. He described her manner as "hysterical". The defendant drove from his workplace in England to their home in Bridgend because he wanted to make a "plan". When he got home she said she wanted to tell the children before they went to bed that they were getting a divorce, he claimed.

He accepted he "placed hands" on his wife to push her out of the home, but alleged she had been "getting louder" and that he had been scared for himself and the children. He said he was "upset" but not angry and he denied strangling her. After he forced her out of the home, the court heard he threw a car key at her. She drove to a friend's home where she stayed the night.

When prosecutor Lucy Mansfield put it to McCarthy that he was the aggressor, he replied: "Is it an aggressor or someone that's petrified and scared?" He repeated his allegations that his wife had attacked him on previous occasions, describing himself as a "battered husband". He also said his wife had "very cleverly switched on" the recording during the incident.

Aled Watkins, defending, described the recording as a "snapshot of a divorcing couple" and argued his client had "pushed her out of the house to prevent an assault on him". But Judge Harmes said he found McCarthy deceptive and voiced doubts over his claims to be a victim of abuse. McCarthy had provided photos purporting to show his bruises and cuts from incidents in previous years, but the judge said: "The evidence of injury is slight and does not justify his marked fear of her. They married in 2009. In all that time there was never any child protection register or any concern for the welfare of the children.

"What is accepted is his behaviour in that time — an affair [in 2016], suspicions of other affairs, meeting an ex-girlfriend in Exeter without telling his wife, which could be seen as something of a betrayal, and resigning two jobs without a discussion with his wife. He never appears to be seeking any help for her and her mental health problems, yet despite all of [his allegations] he still wanted her to stay. She described him as gaslighting her.

"His control over her extends to his decision to tell her to leave in June 2023. The way he expresses himself shows his control: 'You can go now', as if she needs his permission. She's calm and shows no animosity towards him. It is him who becomes irate. I find it as fact that she is not fabricating her reaction when she screams and objects. He counts down to his assault on her."

The judge continued: "I come to the conclusion I do not believe what the defendant says. I have conducted trials well into four figures as a prosecutor and judge, and I find the defendant is trying to gaslight me. He constantly wants to reiterate the worst aspects of his wife's behaviour. He has an entirely narcissistic view of his situation. His evidence was cold and calculating, in contrast to his wife whose evidence I believe. He is not the calm customer he appears. He is arrogant and controlling."

McCarthy shook his head as Judge Harmes said he did not believe his claims that he feared for his children's safety. "There was no reasonable excuse to put his hands on her," the judge added. "He may have gaslighted her for years but he won't gaslight me."

Judge Harmes found McCarthy guilty of assault. He did not find that there was any strangulation. He said McCarthy grabbed the victim round the neck but did not choke her. The judge requested that the probation service make a report on the defendant ahead of sentencing in April. His bail conditions prevent him from contacting the victim.

For the latest court reports, sign up to our crime newsletter here.